garfield!

off of google images...

maybe when i'm bored... i'll just read comics off of google. heh.

blogthings.com!

of all things inane... let's try some!

this one i just had to try... every other person was posting this silly percentage thing. how bad can labelling get? gender... ooh, the oldest of society's fractious denominations!

Your Brain is 33.33% Female, 66.67% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

darn. and i tot i was pseudo-feminist... maybe i really gotta trust my 'guy intuition' more.

how old do i act? haha... i always think i act like a bloody kid. especially when i'm low on brain cells. and surrounded by nice forgiving friends. and when i just got a silly haircut.

You Are 23 Years Old

23 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

so boring... maybe i should have selected spongebob for the first qn!

friend? maybe this one would be a shocker? -palpitates in anticipation-

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

and it turns out to be so darn sappy. skip it.

okay last one. seduction sounds phhhunnn... who knows? -sniggers-

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

...and it turns out to be another blow-off. sighs.
(update) the bloody black text doesn't work for my silly black backgrounds!!! had to re-colour the friggin things!!! no more blogthings - EVER.

alright, enough trippiness for one (unproductive) late night. who cares abt what others think, especially when it's measured thru some pretentious blogthing? ahh... that's when i discovered my originally sceptic view to be erroneous. it seems the questions and answers are capable of achieving some simple analysis of the quizzee! there were times i wish i could type my own answers of course, but other times, the choices did get me thinking somewhat. what do you know! i'm becoming less cynical! yippee~

on a sidenote, life was entering another dreadfully unproductive phase. i wistfully called it the epic-withdrawal (you know what it is after you've spent a night in sch typing 45 pages), but perhaps it is something more sinister. maybe i'm just unmotivated when i'm not working in a group? maybe my slacker instincts are getting the better of me?

otherwise, the maundy mass (@ holy cross) was quite a spiritual one. although we had the distinct misfortune to last thru a (rather constipatedly) cantored 7-verse hymn twice, the prevailing mood somehow allowed me to attempt communication with my God after quite a long break. ultimately, i began to feel very very guilty for all the misdeeds i committed and all the deeds i miscommitted... especially not going for confession! so iggy and i decided to try Nativity after dinner; but God had other plans. adoration at IJ Punggol really went some way in helping me prepare for tmr tho...

dare i flow in the quixotic trends of blognation and plagiarise a song for my blog? SURE.

How Light the Bread of Angels

Kathleen Pluth

1. How light the bread of angels upon the human tongue!
   This precious weight of glory that binds the Church in one!
   The flesh with all its passions could never match the bliss
   Of mind and heart and memory caught up in heaven's kiss.



2. How blessed is this banquet, Christ's sweet and costly meal.
   The love within the Godhead mysteriously revealed:
   When God the Son gives glory to God the Father high,
   As God the Holy Spirit effects the sacrifice.



3. Forth from His wounded body, the water and the blood,
   The glad'ning stream of heaven swells to a mighty flood.
   It winds throughout the ages and flows into the hearts
   Of saints He makes from sinners with skillful healing arts.



4. This food, so light, refreshing, shall speed our pilgrim way,
   Until that happy morning when dawn turns into day.
   Upon the holy mountain, within God's holy hall,
   The Father and the Spirit, and Christ, our all in all.

happy good friday! may the risen Lord bring peace to everyone who desires it for anyone.

the 49-page behemoth 

11,710 words

i actually only contributed 3,277 words, but the overall experience was simply rejuvenating... it makes you feel really stupid, dependent on the blurdy laptop, unable to focus on any paragraph for half a minute, and even utterly despondent at times... so that ultimately, you could get over it and rise from the ashes like some dodo bird. yep, that's what i meant by rejuvenating, duh! who the hell derives energy from constructing a friggin' 49-page essay?! but really, everyone should just try it man. it's one of those gotta-try-before-you-die things. here, you can see what it looks like below:

hey... where did all the energy go?

i ought to be ashamed of myself for blogging instead of doing something more productive. after all, i need to churn out two essays tmr and i don't think i'm considered anywhere near prepared for it. i ought also to be able to think straight without sleeping, focus 100% without distraction while reading tough texts when i'm holding it in my hands, and keep myself fit, clean, presentable, charming, friendly, funny & perfect without trying. but i also don't wanna accomodate labels that i hardly believe in!!

so that's where all the energy went... it went into tearing my sorry ass out of this capitalist world... it went into bashing my world view out of positivist-materialism... it went into deciphering what an alternate reality would resemble and how far away are we from such a utopia...

i spent all my sanity attempting to totally subvert the socialisation imposed upon me - all the while still gorging material for the two essays.

i shouldn't even be able to blog, much less feel ashamed about it...

emotion

frustration (n): that uncontrollable urge to scream/shout/flail arms in utter despair. very irrational and often occuring in restricted timeframes. [from the dictionary of my own experience.]

just yelled at my mum. it was really idiotic. here's how it happened...

mum comes home and asks me nicely whether i still want dinner. i reply in a spaced out tone: 'anything lor.' she tells me noodles won't have any other sides cos i did not reply her sms. i told her 'anything lor.' she starts saying i should've replied her sms so she could get me more food. i told her my phone died... too bad... she goes on saying: 'how come a phone can die, new phone some more...' 'i dunno, i charged it but it still died.'
'one phone also cannot look after.'
this got my fuse burning.
'what the hell? i'm damn busy can?'
i was nearly shouting already. why must mum be so boliao?
'yah lah shout some more! so rude!'
wtf???
'my phone die cannot ah?! what's the big deal???'
i went mad. why can't this bloody family show some consideration for the poor overworked undergrad?? mum was slightly stunned. i tot that was the end of it. until...
'... phone die come and shout at me. so rude.'
*&^%$#@! WHAT'S WITH HER?!? wasn't she intending to cook me noodles???? how come end up talking abt the bloody phone?!?! (which already pissed me off the whole day for being magically low batt after an entire night of charging...)

once again, feelings of utter alienation permeate my worthless soul. how can a struggling intellectual survive his own unenlightened family?

automatic thought

what if all this stress that is building up is conspiratorial? what if every pointless task that becomes our personal responsibility is actually part of a grandiose plan to take away your time? what if the things we do that we don't want to do are imposed upon us to make us feel powerless? what if the lack of warmth in our society is a masterpiece of a government determined to milk us for productivity, even at the cost of our well-being? what if they have managed to dupe us into thinking that material wealth and economic well-being is all there is to work for, even at the expense of mental health and emotional management? what if society is god and god is merely a puppet of the government?

or am i merely coming up with weird dreams in an attempt to escape reality? or am i merely inventing perspectives to try and account for the feelings i lack? or is all of this merely a psychological defense mechanism kicking into motion?

all i need is... love?

bad to worse

this morning i woke up early. only to think it was too early - and hence i fell back asleep. next time i woke up, i'm late for class... and reluctant to spend the effort travelling to school. oh well, i rationalised: why not spend the day at home fruitfully? except i knew it was the devil telling me to slack... and i also knew that there was pretty much no way i could spend the day at home fruitfully. hence i spent the day at home lazing around yet again... moving from bed to tv to laptop in aimless fashion. is this how an undergrad is supposed to spend his time? especially when he's in bloody-nus with multiple deadlines and a rapidly diminishing term hounding him?

why do i ask questions when i already know the answers - worse, why do i ignore these answers.
sic, nihilism.

focus?

what has stricken a person who feels no sense of urgency in the face of encroaching deadlines?
what malady so pathological could land a person in the realm of abject lethargy?
where can i find a cure for this visceral infliction - before time overtakes me?

maybe being a slacker is just too shiok?

what is mahjong?

another helter-skelter day... slept roughly 4 hours and rushed to school around 8am, hoping to complete the horrible soci research interview. thankfully managed to do that. then spent afternoon trying to publicish FOC to CJC graduates. very lukewarm response... very warm place... very perspiring. and then! it was the highlight of the day~ meeting my two dearest sisters for dinner! but of course, not after i spent an hour watching spongebob in toa payoh macs. haha.

my colour-coded princesses decided on crystal jade - i sorta predicted i'd spend a bit on dinner, but didn't really mind cos it's with them. there we hatched a plan to play mahjong! mahjong!! isn't that the game my dad used to be obsessed with? the game that introduced him to his mistress? the game that caused much distress to my family? the game that my mother eventually got hooked onto as a form of escape (masked cleverly as a form of socialising)? the game that eventually left my home an empty shell? the game that ultimately splintered my young and vulnerable family, leaving it old and cynicalised? the game... that ultimately left us (and jo's friend louis) rather drained, and left me $14 poorer.

mahjong. i still wanna play it well. i still love it's chinese-ness. even tho i know that i will be paying for it. mahjong simply runs in the family.

listen to your own voice

damned soci research module... i'm really getting sick of my own stupid voice. merv! you're so right! my voice simply sucks... plus i was so simply unprepared and unfocused. i was thinking i should just redo the whole thing! like start with the transcript and THEN read off of it for the recording. boy i hate whining, but lately it's become my favourite hobby. fac ut vivas!!

anyway, i was talking abt the interview i recorded and am now transcribing into mustard seed word. and 'fac ut vivas' is 'get a life' in latin.