Monday, June 19, 2006

a new bad habit

i'm beginning to sadistically enjoy telling people not to judge... being the almighty perceptive mind-reader that i assume myself to be, i even pinpoint the exact moment where a person is supposedly 'judging' so that i can crusade in and break the accused judge-a-holic's spirit -kachow!-

"it's easy to judge eh? why don't you put yourself into that person's shoes?"

such great advice... always pertinent, always applicable. people never learn, do they? what kind of communication do we pretend we have when we don't even try to empathise? and with that, old gerg transforms into the indefatiguable Defender of the Misunderstood.

so what? am i really that great an empathiser? do i truly bother to step into the shoes of the oppressed? what is the purpose of me attempting to impress guilt upon those who fail to do so?

shallow me. i was merely attempting to avoid my own hard-pressing guilt. i am he who has failed to see the first sign of tears welling. i am he who has festooned poorly expressed concern as judgmentalism. i am he who has fomented shaky esteem issues into outright suicidal intent. like my accused, i have been easy on my judgment and my ugly feet will never fit anyone's shoes.

prejudging... sounds so familiar? your speck or my log? against whose standards shall whom be judged by who? his words ring despondently in my poor soil... when will i ever learn? for as soon as i hit publish... i may very well continue to judge myself poorly.

my new bad habit i lift it up to you o lord. may your abundant blessings be upon the collateral.