courting controversy

with new roles comes new responsibilities. was about to blog my sincere, heartfelt, radical comments about the pope-quote-byzantine-emperor saga - but i have second thoughts.

as a representative of css, how should i behave? as a lector, could i doze off in the front pew during an excessively boring homily? as a close friend, do i simply do as i like and ignore his/er feelings?

if being myself means being a pain in the ass, being a relentlessly repugnant rebel, being a n impropmptu challenge to a person's beliefs, is that still a "self" i'd like to call myself?

society exists for a reason. people do not generate and follow norms for fun. not all these justifications may be acceptable for me, but being a Phag means 4 norms straight to follow.

Patience. it is not always the time to court controversy. take a step back, and two forward may follow.

Humility. don't court controversy just to hear your own voice ring out louder than others'
thoughts.

Appreciation. controversy tends to criticise and dismiss instead of appreciate. court appreciation.

Gentleness. court whatever - but how gentle is the spirit? things will get across better if done gently.

so the only controversy i shall court tonight is making this prayer:
Lord make me a PHAG.
Amen.

who am i to judge

g: dear god...
G: yes, dear?
g: whoa, that was fast!
G: *rolls eyes* so, what's up?
g: ah well, nothing much really. just something bugging me.
G: uhhhh-huh.
g: i uh, kinda pissed a friend off.
G: *chuckles* you knew you had it coming, didn't you?
g: right, right. with free will everything's my fault...
G: "...even though You planned everything in advance." dude, you don't have to trail off, i know what you're thinking.
g: really? then you know i'm stumped.
G: yes, of course you are.
g: i mean, i don't understand how it happened at all.
G: mm hmm.
g: okay so i was going on with my self-righteous bullshit and shooting my mouth off like a deranged kid in a high school shootout.
G: *pause* that seemed unnecessary too.
g: hey, i get emotional too. you're the god, you deal with it.
G: easy boy. i could still zap you.
g: whatever. i still don't get it. what exactly did i do wrong? when did i piss her off?
G: you weren't wrong. even if you ever were, you won't admit to it. you've already made up your mind about yourself.
g: yea... glad you agree with me.
G: actually. no, not really.
g: *pause* oh. it was sarcasm.
G: more like i'm echoing your thoughts.
g: fine. so i was stubborn. she was too.
G: she was more of exasperated, i'd say.
g: and what, i'm not? do i look like i'm enjoying this?
G: now, now. it's not always about you.
g: ah.
G: remember your commitment to PHAG?
g: fag? i thought i gave up smoking.
G: *pause* very funny.
g: oh. oh you meant Patience, Humility, Appreciation, Gentleness.
G: there, you got it.
g: let's see. i think i failed in all four huh.
G: no need to be that harsh, dear. you keep trying.
g: i did not wait. i did not check my pride. i did not see her point of view. i did not care.
G: that's somewhat of a more accurate appraisal...
g: man, i feel really lousy now.
G: ...except for the unnecessarily large amount of guilt involved.
g: okay, so what do i do now?
G: you know.
g: apologise?
G: arboh? what else?
g: buy her sweets?
G: you know, that humour of yours can make crocodiles cry.
g: ouch.
G: you talked about being judgmental in your little soliloquy with her.
g: yep. i am still very much convinced that the reason adults expect people to be well-dressed and formal is simply to extend their pretentious work-lives to church. it still sickens me that i have to dress up when lectoring just to avoid their judgmental remarks.
G: who are you to judge?
g: i... what? did i judge?
G: you clearly did.
g: i uh, was only "very much convinced"...
G: so what?
g: am i not entitled to personal opinions?
G: that privilege came with free will.
g: so what, i shouldn't have told her all that?
G: you could. but you didn't do something.
g: like... talk to those 'adults'?
G: that's one.
g: there's more?
G: think PHAG.
g: right... i could've waited for the adults to explain themselves. i could've respected their opinions. i could've seen the value of their points. i could've loved them more.
G: you don't sound very convinced.
g: because i know they won't bother to explain! because respect is not for me to give, but for them to earn! because their points would only be overturned by my arguments-
G: because you can't bring yourself to love them?
g: because... oh my goodness...
G: who are you to judge?
g: *long pause* indeed...
G: now that you are less muddled, you could go repent.
g: yes, Lord.
G: good boy.
g: okay, one last question.
G: shoot.
g: am i supposed to simply not judge, then?
G: kind of.
g: and have no opinion at all?
G: nah, that goes against the rules of free will.
g: then what?
G: patience, my friend. leave the judging to me, and in time you will have worthy opinions to share.
g: i see...
G: go read Proverbs and Wisdom.
g: that sounds like penance.
G: haha... that one, i like.
g: thank you, Lord.
G: welcome.

coming to terms with decklessness

the grime and caked brickwork
cheesy colours and non-existent ventilation
smokers under the watchful glare
chatters usurping the reserved-for-staff chairs
a weird layout designed to confuse the crapping crows
the quirky, the naggingly irritating
nobody loves the deck anyway

the food so oily, the drink so dilute
here a bit tasty, the rest makes us puke
queues which discriminate
queue-cutters who infuriate
sometimes we exalt this non-descript experience
other times we are simply too busy
nobody would miss the deck anyway

heaven, earth, and hell
to whom would these words ring a bell?
hawkers, one friendly, one faceless
i do wonder if they care about us
are these friends or just grade-thirsty singaporeans?
the countless nonchalant rendezvous
nobody thinks about the deck anyway

a place of worthless memories
a place to satisfy the hungries
a place where muggers mug
a place where slackers slack

a place whose flavour OED wants to retain

but seriously, who really gives a damn?
nobody cares about the deck anyway

except us who have fallen
for all its senseless flaws
do not accuse us of taking you for granted
just because we eat with you everyday
every morsel, swallowed, spilt, or spat out
you have been our non-judgmental abode
you are somebody to us nobodies

for 25 years,
everybody who has savoured the deck
has savoured fass culture
like the artz babes this lady's getting new clothes
see you in '07
in heartfelt gratitude
au revoir

title inspired/plagiarised from our very own HOOKED. techno edge, anybody?

commissioned!

it's something i've been thru before... yet it still feels so fresh. with an expectant community bearing down upon the few of us, only God's grace can pull us thru!

now, lest i forget, let me put down the commissioning prayer.

Almighty Father,

We thank You for gathering us together today as one family in Christ. You have called us here to begin our journey in the service of Your Church. Grant us the wisdom and the love to deepen the faith of Your community here in CSS, and may we always remember that we are called to be humble servants to every member of our community.

Keep us focused on the mission that You have given us, and constantly remind us that it is by Your immense grace that we stand before the community. We are many parts in one body, and through Your greatness, bring us together as one community and help us remember that we are salt of the earth and light of the world.

We make this prayer through Your Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, One God, forever and ever. Amen.

God bless our ministry... may we resolutely march forward with this prayer etched into our hearts. alleluia!