"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
G. K. Chesterton
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
to restart the deconstruction...
it's been a horrid year as i tried to be more than i could be on my own... my mind is too confused, my will too weak, and my heart barely beats sometimes. i thought i had faith, i thought i was living my life as God wanted... but obviously, my thoughts are not His.
but nonetheless, this hollow waste of good time must come to an end: the new year beckons ahead. i must somehow find that resolve to respond to God's grace with real fervour. i must abandon my old ways of slipping into sin - hubris, hedonism, hypocrisy, hatred, hard-heartedness, hopelessness, hesitation. i have to own my will again and fight to live my life for God!
and the only way is through Christ - surrender, serenity, simplicity, sensibility, sincerity, satisfaction, submission. i shall repent, seek the Lord's forgiveness, forgive myself, and embrace the future, just as i once was accustomed to doing.
i shall restart the deconstruction, dedicating this humble struggle to Jesus, who reigns in my heart.
and why not? do my previous grievous sin make life too hard to bear? is it impossible to witness change now that i realise i have only sank deeper into darkness for the past year? the old adage comes to mind: 3 days to break a good habit; 3 years to kick a bad habit.
why the hopelessness? let's do a simple analysis. what kind of good habit takes only 3 days to break? it doesn't seem to make much sense if a really good habit - the kind from which one may derive satisfaction from - is so easily broken, no? it seems that this broken-in-3-days "good habit" is merely something prescribed by others which the person who broke it never really identified with fully... or that this person, in spite of enjoying the good habit, was tempted by the greater enjoyability of breaking it - s/he was unable to handle temptation. thus, i have identified at least two ways to understand why some people need only 3 days to break such so-called good habits; and thus possibly clarified two ways to prevent such a sad end.
the first part of the adage might still ring very true to many who have once walked in the light and yet then stumbled - not everyone would find it easy to identify with discipline-demanding good habits, even if one is convinced of the eventual rewards. temptation often proves too great! in such cases, community comes to my mind... it seems we might do better if we had someone to push us when we're slowing down, to steady us when we wobble, and to lend a hand if we hit the ground.
yet, the second part of the adage only serves to push us to the ground! the inherent hopelessness of this ending phrase condemns the sinner to a seemingly bottomless pit - three years is plenty of opportunity to stumble and fall yet again! who can endure this torturous struggle to meet the light again? who would dare to believe, what with society upending its end of the deal, instead lending a hand when we're slowing, pushing us when we're wobbling, and steadying us when we're stuck on the ground?
therefore, i deconstruct these sinister elements of society. not every adage was formed out of compassionate wisdom; not every norm out there rewards us when we conform to them. some have become twisted - whether by the forces in society which work towards evil, or by the weakness of the individual's solitary mind subtly rationalising its way to the floor - and these need to be exposed.
it takes a sinner to know another's struggle. i believe i have fallen through the depths of the valley of darkness on my pathway to God; now i continue to struggle humbly, always looking up at the peak which bathes in the light of the sun. let me share my uphill exertions in this new deconstruction.
but nonetheless, this hollow waste of good time must come to an end: the new year beckons ahead. i must somehow find that resolve to respond to God's grace with real fervour. i must abandon my old ways of slipping into sin - hubris, hedonism, hypocrisy, hatred, hard-heartedness, hopelessness, hesitation. i have to own my will again and fight to live my life for God!
and the only way is through Christ - surrender, serenity, simplicity, sensibility, sincerity, satisfaction, submission. i shall repent, seek the Lord's forgiveness, forgive myself, and embrace the future, just as i once was accustomed to doing.
i shall restart the deconstruction, dedicating this humble struggle to Jesus, who reigns in my heart.
and why not? do my previous grievous sin make life too hard to bear? is it impossible to witness change now that i realise i have only sank deeper into darkness for the past year? the old adage comes to mind: 3 days to break a good habit; 3 years to kick a bad habit.
why the hopelessness? let's do a simple analysis. what kind of good habit takes only 3 days to break? it doesn't seem to make much sense if a really good habit - the kind from which one may derive satisfaction from - is so easily broken, no? it seems that this broken-in-3-days "good habit" is merely something prescribed by others which the person who broke it never really identified with fully... or that this person, in spite of enjoying the good habit, was tempted by the greater enjoyability of breaking it - s/he was unable to handle temptation. thus, i have identified at least two ways to understand why some people need only 3 days to break such so-called good habits; and thus possibly clarified two ways to prevent such a sad end.
the first part of the adage might still ring very true to many who have once walked in the light and yet then stumbled - not everyone would find it easy to identify with discipline-demanding good habits, even if one is convinced of the eventual rewards. temptation often proves too great! in such cases, community comes to my mind... it seems we might do better if we had someone to push us when we're slowing down, to steady us when we wobble, and to lend a hand if we hit the ground.
yet, the second part of the adage only serves to push us to the ground! the inherent hopelessness of this ending phrase condemns the sinner to a seemingly bottomless pit - three years is plenty of opportunity to stumble and fall yet again! who can endure this torturous struggle to meet the light again? who would dare to believe, what with society upending its end of the deal, instead lending a hand when we're slowing, pushing us when we're wobbling, and steadying us when we're stuck on the ground?
therefore, i deconstruct these sinister elements of society. not every adage was formed out of compassionate wisdom; not every norm out there rewards us when we conform to them. some have become twisted - whether by the forces in society which work towards evil, or by the weakness of the individual's solitary mind subtly rationalising its way to the floor - and these need to be exposed.
it takes a sinner to know another's struggle. i believe i have fallen through the depths of the valley of darkness on my pathway to God; now i continue to struggle humbly, always looking up at the peak which bathes in the light of the sun. let me share my uphill exertions in this new deconstruction.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
