lost and found

it's an amazing monday!

after a short intercessory prayer for CSS with FFM, i settled down at YIH for a while. however, i realised that to logon to the internet, i needed my NUS password. the new password. which... i can't remember... well, i changed my password a few days ago (can't rem when) cos IVLE says the old password was expiring.

i didn't believe i couldn't recall my password... so i sat there for a full hour trying to guess my own new password. and. it was to no avail... my memory is just bad.

finally admitting my ineptitude, i resigned to a fate of resetting my password at IT Care. so... in a state of self-inflicted despair, i jogged over to the computer centre in the mild rain. facing the counter girl, i told her i needed to reset my password in a monotonous voice... and then i realised that MY WALLET WAS MISSING.

i ran out of the building despite my bad ankle, frantically scanning every inch of the floor i just walked past for that old black leather thing. nothing. maybe i left it back at YIH? with a tinge of hope, i searched the CSS corner. nope. maybe i missed a spot along the way? no deal. it was nowhere to be found.

collapsing in a doubly dejected heap back at YIH, i started imagining horrifying possibilities: a bus had run over the wallet and its mangled body is stuck on a wheel! a foreign worker thought he'd struck it rich but upon discovering the meagre $4 had chucked it into his lawnmower! a bunch of as-yet-undiscovered bugs carried it off to their queen where it is now feeding slimy larvae! maybe i shouldn't be so negative... who knows? maybe someone picked it up? it's just a wallet anyway. at least i didn't lose my phone! what's the worst thing i lost... my atm card? my house keys? my matric card?? great. now i have no wallet, and no password. T.T

i picked up the phone to call someone i could whine to. but Cheryl and Brian beat me to it - they appeared in the nick of time! they walked me back the route i took to confirm the wallet isn't there, then walked me to NUSSU, OSA, and the Student Service Centre to try the lost-and-founds. they walked all that distance with me despite having just bathed after their jogging. Cheryl even walked me back to arts - and Brian eventually packed up the CSS corner! (it's unmistakably brian-ised now~) at the arts corner, everyone had that look of empathy on their faces. guess losing a wallet isn't unfamiliar to most ppl. St Anthony and St Jude kept coming up too - a little bit of CSS catholic culture right there. (St Anthony is patron of finding lost items; St Jude is patron of lost causes.)

i started thinking. i shouldn't be too sad la. i may have lost something materially valuable; but i've rediscovered something priceless - the CSS community! i could've sunken into deeper despair and wound up blaming God and praying with FFM, but thanks to these darlings, i didn't go further than blaming the system. i guess with all the "ministering" to everyone, i've forgotten how i could also depend on my dear friends for support.

and in a while, this guy emails me to tell me he has picked up my wallet! Brian thinks St Anthony and St Jude were working overtime. i think so too... but it wasn't so much my wallet that was lost and found - being able to depend on my friends was the much greater find!

Avoiding Idle Talk

*from CCEL; The Imitation of Christ

Shun the gossip of men as much as possible, for discussion of worldly affairs, even though sincere, is a great distraction inasmuch as we are quickly ensnared and captivated by vanity.

Many a time I wish that I had held my peace and had not associated with men. Why, indeed, do we converse and gossip among ourselves when we so seldom part without a troubled conscience? We do so because we seek comfort from one another’s conversation and wish to ease the mind wearied by diverse thoughts. Hence, we talk and think quite fondly of things we like very much or of things we dislike intensely. But, sad to say, we often talk vainly and to no purpose; for this external pleasure effectively bars inward and divine consolation.

Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly.

When the right and opportune moment comes for speaking, say something that will edify.

Bad habits and indifference to spiritual progress do much to remove the guard from the tongue. Devout conversation on spiritual matters, on the contrary, is a great aid to spiritual progress, especially when persons of the same mind and spirit associate together in God.

Ch 2: Having a Humble Opinion of Self

... taken from the Christian Classic: Imitation of Christ (Thomas a Kempis)...

EVERY man naturally desires knowledge; but what good is knowledge without fear of God? Indeed a humble rustic who serves God is better than a proud intellectual who neglects his soul to study the course of the stars. He who knows himself well becomes mean in his own eyes and is not happy when praised by men.

If I knew all things in the world and had not charity, what would it profit me before God Who will judge me by my deeds?

Shun too great a desire for knowledge, for in it there is much fretting and delusion. Intellectuals like to appear learned and to be called wise. Yet there are many things the knowledge of which does little or no good to the soul, and he who concerns himself about other things than those which lead to salvation is very unwise.

Many words do not satisfy the soul; but a good life eases the mind and a clean conscience inspires great trust in God.

The more you know and the better you understand, the more severely will you be judged, unless your life is also the more holy. Do not be proud, therefore, because of your learning or skill. Rather, fear because of the talent given you. If you think you know many things and understand them well enough, realize at the same time that there is much you do not know. Hence, do not affect wisdom, but admit your ignorance. Why prefer yourself to anyone else when many are more learned, more cultured than you?

If you wish to learn and appreciate something worth while, then love to be unknown and considered as nothing. Truly to know and despise self is the best and most perfect counsel. To think of oneself as nothing, and always to think well and highly of others is the best and most perfect wisdom. Wherefore, if you see another sin openly or commit a serious crime, do not consider yourself better, for you do not know how long you can remain in good estate. All men are frail, but you must admit that none is more frail than yourself.